The Passive Customer

I would like to preface this by saying there is also the passive employee. I don't feel I am one of them, but I understand that they exist. That is not what this post is about though... its about you, the passive customer.

So, you walk in, sit down, and I come over do my little shpeel and ask you what you'd like. If you are fine with water don't say you need a few minutes... say your fine with water. Then when I return to take orders, ask for more time if you need it, don't act like I'm rushing you. Then when I bring your plates or drinks to the table don't sigh like I'm interrupting the most important part of your story... I'm bringing you your food. And when I come to clear your plates, don't say, 'Fine,' like I'm forcing you to give up smoking. DON'T DO THESE THINGS.

As your waiter I want to provide you with whatever you like so let me know. I try to take cues, but if everything I do is sooooooo in your way then just let me know that you'll be getting everything for yourself and will bring it to the kitchen when your done. Please.

Oh, and maybe its just me, but I would rather you not tell me that I did a great job and then leave me no tip... thats just me.